Today I have felt complete for the first time in a month. The reason for the feeling of loss and once-more wholeness is currently sleeping soundly in her bed. I have never felt so lost as I did this past month when my daughter was with her father. I have gotten somewhat used to the every-other-weekend absence, but almost the entire month was ridiculous. So much of my world revolves around this little girl that my life spun a bit out of control during July. Nothing crazy like drinking and partying, no. I was really not in the mood for it even if I had the cashflow to enjoy the nightlife like that. No. Without my little girl and without a job to keep me occupied during my waking hours, I basically became a vampire. Well, not a vampire per say. I did sleep the mass majority of the day away if I could. I'd wake up and be productive for a chunk of time and then go right back to sleep. 

  I've always been a night owl ever since I can remember. That's when all my creative juices are really flowin' and I can write for hours uninterrupted. And for those who already follow some of my work, you've seen the fruits of this labor in the last month. But I would once again be productive for a chunk of time and then go back to sleep. I guess it was a semblance of depression, which I have already been in a drawn-out battle against. But it wasn't normal depression. I could still find happiness everywhere; I wasn't ridiculously emotional or even devoid of emotion. I think it goes back to what I was told as a kid waiting for my birthday or Christmas morning: the sooner you go to sleep the sooner it'll get here. So my subconscious was waiting for the day when I woke up and my baby girl was once more under my roof. And until I got her back I didn't realize to the extent I'd been lost without her. Except for this past year when she began having to go to her father's on specific weekends, I could count on one hand how many times in her life she and I had been apart for more than a night. 

  I guess I'm just rambling or whatever you guys want to say, but it still amazes me. To this day I get blindsided by how much my life is wrapped up in a four-year-old little girl. And I can't imagine how things would be without her. I literally can't come up with anything when I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have her. It's crazy. Haha