Sorry for the Absence

Hello all,

I am really sorry for not writing, I know I should have. Honestly, I was in a bummed sort of mood because of the lack of success on the job hunting front and I didn't want to spew negativity on my blog. But the good news is that I'm back and employed as of Friday. Yay!! The hoops you have to jump through to work at a daycare have kept me on my toes the last week but I understand the need for safety in these kinds of situation. Since my kiddo will be going to the same school I work at I am more than happy to see what her teachers have to go through in order to be employed there. 

So what has happened since my last post? Let's see, I celebrated my 24th birthday (Yay for growing old!!!), my relationship became "Facebook official"...that's basically been my big milestones for the month of August. Wow, I lead such an interesting life. Haha I did get another chapter (or possibly two, I don't remember) uploaded for my story on fanfiction.net. I really do love being able to receive reviews for the work I've put into that story. I'm working on the fifteenth chapter now and I can count how many more chapters I have planned after that on one hand. The end is drawing near. Finally. I love that story but it's been a work in progress since I was in high school. Albeit there was a five-year-long hiatus, but it's still been a large chunk of time. 

That's definitely something I have been trying to work on lately: getting into a writing schedule. Writing every day for a specified length of time. I keep seeing advice from other writers about making sure to write every day, even when you feel like everything you write is garbage. So now that I have the job to help me feel somewhat accomplished in that area, I can roll that feeling over into my writing circle. Once more, I seem to have typed the musings I have within my own mind. And on that note I shall call it a night. I will write again soon. Until then, take care.

  Today I have felt complete for the first time in a month. The reason for the feeling of loss and once-more wholeness is currently sleeping soundly in her bed. I have never felt so lost as I did this past month when my daughter was with her father. I have gotten somewhat used to the every-other-weekend absence, but almost the entire month was ridiculous. So much of my world revolves around this little girl that my life spun a bit out of control during July. Nothing crazy like drinking and partying, no. I was really not in the mood for it even if I had the cashflow to enjoy the nightlife like that. No. Without my little girl and without a job to keep me occupied during my waking hours, I basically became a vampire. Well, not a vampire per say. I did sleep the mass majority of the day away if I could. I'd wake up and be productive for a chunk of time and then go right back to sleep. 

  I've always been a night owl ever since I can remember. That's when all my creative juices are really flowin' and I can write for hours uninterrupted. And for those who already follow some of my work, you've seen the fruits of this labor in the last month. But I would once again be productive for a chunk of time and then go back to sleep. I guess it was a semblance of depression, which I have already been in a drawn-out battle against. But it wasn't normal depression. I could still find happiness everywhere; I wasn't ridiculously emotional or even devoid of emotion. I think it goes back to what I was told as a kid waiting for my birthday or Christmas morning: the sooner you go to sleep the sooner it'll get here. So my subconscious was waiting for the day when I woke up and my baby girl was once more under my roof. And until I got her back I didn't realize to the extent I'd been lost without her. Except for this past year when she began having to go to her father's on specific weekends, I could count on one hand how many times in her life she and I had been apart for more than a night. 

  I guess I'm just rambling or whatever you guys want to say, but it still amazes me. To this day I get blindsided by how much my life is wrapped up in a four-year-old little girl. And I can't imagine how things would be without her. I literally can't come up with anything when I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have her. It's crazy. Haha